*takes a peek* Is there anyone still around? 👀

Hello i don't know how to start this. Like usual i always startled whenever i wanted to start typing for my blog. But you know they say "the hardest part about studying is actually starting" well it applies to everything if you want to make it simpler. It is always so hard to start doing something but if you keep staying on the track that thing that you once started will gives you something that you desired to have. So hello there i guess I'm done adapting myself.

Can you even believe that I've been blogging for 4 years now? I started on 25/7/2010 and now I'm here, still blogging, once a year ha ha i felt sorry for myself..

I'm 16 this year. I can say i am quite a big girl now. If only i can tell you every inch of the things that happened to me this year i would, but I'm not good in arranging stories because if i am good at it i'd be a writer by now LMAO ROFL okay sorry. I wanted to be a dentist *this is so random*. I did say that 2013 has been quite a depressing year for me, right? Well then i myself don't even know how to call what year this 2014 is. In a bad way.. grievously.

Have you ever just gone through something grim like those scenes in the movies? Like you've really gone through it in this real life? Because i did. And still do now. Have you ever lose someone that you never imagined they leaving? The love of your life? Because, mine is already gone. Gone to Him, to that better place, forever, abidingly.

Friday the 13th, it was just a day i never envisioned before. I lost, my hero, my world, my life, my daddy, my ayah. I can't simply conclude my feelings, my condition during that time. The situation that happened even before he exhaled his last breath was far more.. :(( i just couldn't put this into words. I miss him so much. So much i would rather trade my life with him. I would give anything to have him back in my life.. i would.. i would do anything to eliminate this feeling of missing him every second in my life. I never wanted you to leave ayah. I am okay if you wanted to work far far away from me from us but i never wanted you to leave to that place, yet. It is worser that now, i still think that he is here. He still exists in this world, breathing the same air with me. Because i am already too habituated of his absence as he always worked so far away for months and coming home just for a while. I am never that gritty enough to face this. To the point that i questioned Him, "why me ya Rabb..' and i'll just broke into tears knowing that I've asked something that a Muslim should never do. My father is His, we are His, everything is His and we should never questioned why if one day people and things around us slowly gone. It is written that way, we are already aware of it. We just never seems to care "when", will it happened. Allah loves him more, Allah loves me, that he took him away to remind me, this world is nothing but just a provisional place for all of us. I love you ayah. I will continue to make you proud, every time.

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I guess i will just write my blog once a year now. It would be a miracle if i started blogging daily, monthly nor weekly. But you can find me on instagram! ((@jwdhraihan)) and you can always visit my vsco grid! ((n-jawidahraihan.vsco.co)) Till we meet again, anonymous ✨