Our short getaway to Melaka seems like didnt work on me at all. I kept thinking about things. Particularly about something. Im in need of my self confidence back too. I never go through a day without feeling insecure of my own body. I feel my tummy is too bloated. I feel my hips are way too big. I feel fat all the time. Not that i am not a grateful soul its just that i have lost my confidence. I never feel that im pretty. Although people complimented me that way, i still said thank you but deep down in my heart i kept thinking 'they were just joking'. I never trusted anyone who said im pretty and all. Never. Currently and always, that is how i felt about my own self if you wanted to know.

On our way back home today, i had a massive headache and my tummy didnt feel right until now. I think i just need a cup of hot green tea to make my body feel a lot healthier. 

To make it a worser getaway, before we went home, we went to Cyberjaya to have Nasi Arab as our lunch. Since yesterday, i saw my sister's newborn baby looked a bit weird. He didnt make any sound. Kept quite. Didnt cry. Slept all day. Of course it looks weird isnt it? I asked my sister;

"Kenapa tak bawak Uwais pergi klinik?"

"Doktor pakar takde. Cuti. Rabu baru ada"

I was like okay then. Then today the baby's condition got worser. While my brother ordered our food at the restaurant today, my sister brought her baby to a nearby clinic. From a distance i could see my sister went out from the clinic crying. She said her baby needed to be send to the hospital quickly. We canceled all of our orders and rushed to the nearest hospital, Hospital Putrajaya. The baby was then brought into the ICU. We waited from 3 p.m. till 5.30 p.m. According to my sister, Uwais' heart and lungs arent normal. He is treated as a pneumonia patient. He is still a baby, too small to handle all of this :( Please get well soon Uwais Emir, auntie loves you so much.. :((((( If you guys have the heart, do pray for my nephew Uwais Emir. He should be at home now not at the hospital..

The starting of November didnt go well. But i believe in Him. Happiness will come soon. All i need to do is to search and wait for it.

My mixed up feelings right now is something like this

I hate Pumpkin

but, I love Potato

Till then.