I'm so much stronger

4:00 AM

It wasnt easy. My life. Maybe from your perspective i looked like the happiest girl alive. No, i am not.

Ive been through everything, the hell and heaven on this earth and to be still standing up tall making everyone around me proud of me is one hell of a contentment. 

Two nights before D-Day (SPM Result Day), I've had the best two dreams in my entire life for two consecutive nights. Ayah, how i miss calling someone by the name of "ayah" and yes, he was my dream. 

He was there with me for two nights. I got to call him "ayah" again, i got to hear the voice that Ive been longing to hear these past 631 days, i got to salam (shook) his hand, his crinkly & cold hand... and i got to hug him, being cradled by someone i used to call him ayah, the hug that i seldom get and will never ever have it now and forever. 

Allah is The Greatest, The Most Merciful to all of his servant. He lent me my dad even if it was just for a while and albeit all of my sins, He gave me the most priceless moment that no one could ever offer. 

Maybe you might be thinking like "it was just a dream"; yes it was just a dream but i almost felt like it was real and it was more than enough for me. All i could think of was meeting my daddy again in my dream was a sign of solace for whatever result i will get soon and yes, i felt ayah's presence was to comfort me.

No need to mention my mother, my family and anyone around me, even me myself have always had high expectation of myself. I wanted to break my own record for getting a streak of Straight A's from UPSR, PMR, SMA and until SPM. Maybe i asked for too much because it didn't happen. I lost in my own battlefield at the end point.

I struggled and strangled in my own mind and body's limit. I wanted that 11A's so much i did everything i could. No one can deny my hardship because, my own mom told me this. 

But it was written that way, that 10A's have been written long time ago by Him. Maybe my effort was not enough, maybe my sins stopped me from getting that 11A's, maybe i did something wrong to someone something that i couldn't remember or maybe just maybe, that 10A's He gave me will lead me to the right path of my own desire. No one knows. Because this is rezeki. All of the things we had and have now are all just favours from him because who are we to deny the favours of our Lord.

That is what i told myself.

All i ever wanted is to make my mom happy again. I wanted her to accompany me onto the stage receiving the award that she would be really happy of and Allah heard my Du'aa. Although it wasn't a Straight A's, my mom still had the chance to be on the stage with me.


But frankly to be really honest, SPM 2015 WAS SO CRUEL i thought i would have gotten 8/9 A's and ended up with 10 was really my rezeki. Subjects that that had me like 

"what did i just answered" 
"studying for two years that was all i can answered??" 
"Idk i think im going to be a farmer after spm" 

were Chemistry, Addmath, Sejarah and Arab. At the end of the day, i know what i got is what i worked for!


To climb up here on top of the success peak, i didn't do it alone. 

I am beyond grateful with what Allah has given me until today. To my mom, i am doing all this for you because i just love you so much. To my siblings that were always being burden by all of my demands, I'm sorry but i still make you all proud! *grins* 

To my teachers, my second mother Cikgu Zanariah you are the greatest mom I've ever had at school! Teacher Azah, without you i wont be getting that streak A+ for English from Form 4 till SPM. The historic Cikgu Shahrullail, I'm sorry i always slept in Sejarah class but i got A+ so i did study ok! Cikgu Hamidah, i dont really like Math but you made me do it somehow. Ustazah Ruslina, even though i studied Arab from like standard 1, it is still the hardest language ever for me but an A- is more than enough. To Cikgu Hallid, thank you for making me get at least once 100% for addmath then a C+ for trial AND A- FOR SPM! Cikgu Azhan, i will always remember you teaching Physics because you resembles my brother haha. Datin Zunaidah, thank you for teaching my favorite subject Biology. Ustazah Sundusiah, learning Pendidikan Al-Quran Dan Al-Sunnah is really advantageous. Ustazah Norliza, getting an A+ for Pendidikan Syariah Islamiah proves that you've taught me so well. Cikgu Razif, i am sorry to disappoint you. A B+ is really awful but learning with him for two years i gained a lot of life advices. And finally, the best tutor in town, thank you Mr Ben for teaching me AddMath and Physics and Mr Paul, his Biology class is A++++++++++++++++++

*Im sorry and thank you Hana for this picture* TERIMA KASIH GURU SAMTTAJ UNGGUL!

What makes me more grateful than ever is that i had the best classmates for 2 years. My tablemates, Izyan Syegho & Siti sayang korang mwah. And the rest of 5 IKHLAS THE BEST CLASSMATES EVER THANK YOU!! Adi & Ellisha, thank you for still staying with me. Azhad busuk, although he is like 1 year younger but he taught me Addmath Physics and Chemistry like what shouldnt it be me who taught him all that??? And finally to my one and only Belle, thanks sebab sayang kita hihi geli bye.

The Best Deskmate Ever Award goes to Izyan!

Can someone like rob her SPM slip and give it to me i need to liquid her name and write my name on it. {Be like her, not me}


  1.  Tahajjud, Qiyam Al-Lail (Night Prayer) : This is the secret behind all of my success *hush dont tell anyone* Waking up in the middle of the night is no doubt so hard but give it a try and make it a habit, He listens and He grants your wishes. 
  2. Set up a comfortable study zone : Whether you are staying at hostel or home, a study zone dont have to be perfect and nice, as long as that study zone looks like a comfort zone to you, you're good to go. Trust me, studying for SPM is really tough with lots of distractions especially when youre that type to hold your phone 24/7 (ME) so when you have a specific study zone, your study mood will aroused and eventually you will start studying! 
  3. Be organize : I cant work at an unorganised space because i will have headache. So before i start doing homework or studying, i will stack up the books that i will only use on the table and i will always start with the hardest subject. If can, make a daily timetable or the least you can do is to just to plan what you should do after getting home from school. 
  4. Files, sticky notes, highlighters : These stationeries are very crucial trust me! Please please please arrange all your notes into different files according to subject or the least is to just put all the notes your teachers gave into a file. Just dont miss any notes, they are so helpful for exams. Meanwhile sticky notes and highlighters are lyfe especially for subjects like Sejarah and Biology. These reading subjects need you to be focusing on the IMPORTANT POINTS so highlight the point and write it on a sticky note. I usually stick this sticky notes on the cover page of a book and on the wall.
  5. Revision & exercise books : Now that everything and everywhere is about KBAT there KBAT here so you know KBAT is the death of you unless youre a genius. Choosing the right revision & exercise books are important so that you wont be wasting money and trees. If you ask me do you really need to buy SPM Past Year Questions book, for me they arent really helpful because no KBAT. BUT, i still think you need to buy them because you need to try SPM 2015 questions and you will know whether youre good to go with KBAT or not. So since it is only the starting of the year and you guys havent finished your syllabus yet, buy topical exercise books that have lots of KBAT questions and complete answer sheet (especially addmath, buy the one which the answer sheet provide you the working). After you have finished all syllabus, buy and answer all of the MRSM & SBP past year questions book. For revision book yang gemuk tebal berat gila tu, i prefer Oxford Fajar SUCCESS. REVISION BOOK WAJIB ADA.
  6. Stay focus in class : Well i know it is hard because even me myself slept a lot last year but came to realize, that is why i got 10A's haha.
  7. Tuition : Tuition is not compulsory. It is optional. But for someone like me who completely messed up her Form4 year and felt like she didnt study anything during Form4 then it is like wajib? I must say tuition helps me a lot, like really a lot for me to catch up Form4 topics. I went to Pusat Tuisyen SOHOR @ Section 9 Shah Alam!
  8. Do good deeds : Do good, and good will come to you especially towards your parents and teachers to get their blessings and prayers. When you have the opportunity to help the needy, help them. Who knows, they are the reason you will get straight A's, right?
  9. Friendship : Find at least a friend that you can always be with. During ups and downs. Study together. Teach each other. I had a lot of friends who taught me last year. Take care of your friendship, dont start a fight that will only lead you to agitation. 
  10. Aim high : Write or print some motivational words that will aroused your study spirit everyday. Have moderate expectations to yourself so you know your goals, potential and you will strive to it. 
  11. A page of Al-Quran everyday : Read Al-Quran even youre busy, you still have time, make time. If you can, read more than one page.
  12. Oh yes, please put your phone on flight mode or just turn it off when you're studying : DO IT
  13. Be moderate to yourself, body and mind : If you think youve studied enough and feels like your head is going to explode soon, STOP. Go out, have fun, go shopping, you wont lose your A's.
  14. Dont skip your meals : Drink lots of water, stay hydrated, stay full so your mind can work well. 
Basically, these are all i have in mind at the moment. If you have anything to ask, just ask. I will try to help. 

If you lack of confidence, that is normal. I too had the lowest confidence but i overcame it. As a proof, here is my Form4's result to make you feel a bit at ease;

Just remember, have faith in Him, have faith in yourself.

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